Oh, The Self-Care Lecture Can Be Exhausting. Thoughts From A Working Mom

After many sleepless nights, awake again and no sleep in sight.

After many sleepless nights, awake again and no sleep in sight.

Yes. Because I'm in the fitness industry, one thing that drives me crazy is the whole idea that "self-care" is a “should”. Words like “you should spend more time on self-care” and lectures on self-care are rampant, and many people (some working moms included) find it, well, difficult.

Self-care is a privilege for those who have the time. And believe it or not, many moms (and non-moms) don’t get enough sleep, so if they had any time for self-care, it would be in the form of a nap.

Don’t get me wrong. Posts on self-care are great if done with some insight. For instance, quick hacks or tips for everyone are fantastic. And sharing info on self-care without the self-care lecture is also great. But those in the self-care world often forget that they might be preaching to people who don’t have the means, for whatever reason, and when that is directed towards women, it’s important to keep in mind that women with kids…and women who work outside of the home and also have kids…might need something else.

Yes, we need to take care of ourselves but it's unrealistic and not enough...and not what is always needed....and adds guilt and pressure to those who are already overwhelmed. Plus, sometimes there is no time...and that is a REALITY for moms.... Add a pandemic and it is over the top.

I often joke that I'm shocked that my friends who had kids before me still speak to me! I remember talking to my working mom friends about "taking more time for themselves" while I was off on a long walk or getting ready to step into a hot bath with my herbal tea and a good book....I thought, "surely you have time for those things daily...and if not daily, at least several times per week." Add the working mom or single working mom into the equation and self-care just isn't going to cut it.

Really what we need is to sleep for days...as if that's going to happen! And to have no one hanging on our bodies for a minute...and to have some silence for just a moment...or be able to eat without thinking about everyone else's food needs...and to be able to have a day without worry over so many things that you worry about when you have kids....and for the barrage of info that comes along with school to ease up....and for our friends who are energized to try to understand? I wish I'd done more for my mom friends before I had kids...No one told me I should and I didn't think of it.. And I regret not helping them greatly and I also regret the “advice” I gave them.

All of this is not to complain about being a mom or to bust on my friends who are footloose and fancy free. I am thankful every single day for my kids.... I wouldn't exchange it for anything. And I encourage anyone who has no strings attached to take all the time for yourself and enjoy your life...I know, I did. Just know that sometimes we're so tired that it's hard to enjoy moments that one should enjoy....all we want is to sleep. When we do have time, the easy energy of a FB scroll helps us feel tapped in to others.... It's sad but true... Most of us are too tired to even watch a movie IF we can find a moment to sit down to do so. Typically, we're making food or cleaning or catching up on work while everyone else watches the movie...

I feel blessed to have a supportive husband/family and a job in a field that is based on health....but I still don't have time to care for myself. So, I get sick a lot....and I'm exhausted all of the time. The little prompts I get from people to "take care of yourself" don't offend me like they used to. I know they come from love. But taking your exhausted mom friend some soup when she's sick is way better than telling her to work on self-care. What she needs is a little help.

So....this is not a cry for help...I'm good but seriously, if you have a mom friend who is burned out, do something for her instead of telling her what she should be doing. And whatever you do, don’t lecture her on self-care.

If you have kids, you know what I'm talking about...and I'm with you.